SUPER BOWL SUNDAY: HOLY GRAIL DAY FOR CLOSETED HOMOS

This year it might be the New England Patriots and the New York Giants playing each other on the field but in rec rooms, family rooms, private clubs, and closed-to-the-public sports bars around the USA the real players are the fans. 

Super Bowl XLII, will play out just like every one before it, seemingly normal men will gather at various locations hours before the game and begin drinking beer. Beforehand they will have given their wives or girlfriends their credit cards with a wink and sent them shopping. These men will settle into a comfy couch, light up a cigar, down some cold ones, put their hands down the front of their trousers and wait for the “game” to begin.

It all seems innocent enough on the surface. Just a group of guys hanging out and watching their favorite teams play a real “mans-man” sport – football. They will cheer, scream, yell, and discuss plays just like they would at a live football game. However, it is during the half-time things start to get interesting in the worst sort of way.

Half-time is when the beer is put away and the liquor come out -among other things. This year it will be while Tom Petty is performing Roxanne or some other tired song that only a drunk could enjoy, that the real party begins. There is the popular Quick Count Football cards which will be brought out and the men will engage in a full fledged game of Superbowl Strip Trivia. Or it may as blatantly obvious as one of the guys suggesting a few rounds of Who Eats the Cracker. While football players players like Tom Brady and Eli Manning are recovering from a hard first-half up in the locker room, men at Superbowl Parties everywhere will be acting out their own hard locker room fantasies with each other. 

This may seem hard to believe or stomach, but it is true. If your boyfriend, husband, son, or brother will be attending a “Guys Only” Superbowl Party this afternoon then you better prepare youself for the worst. Because there are statistics that prove that while watching a televised football game the average male has an erection 17 times.  When alcohol is introduced the number of erections increases to 61 times during a typical 4 quarter game.  Men, alcohol, football, and locker room talk is a dangerous combination. 

Below is an actual advertisement found on several popular football websites:

Get off on watching football, mutual masturbation and guys whacking off together? Thought you did.

Like the feeling of your bud’s hand on your (UNChristian Word Removed) as you stroke him off? Thought you did.

Wanna post, view, rate, and leave comments on user-submitted past Superbowl Party pictures? Thought you did.

Want to find local Superbowl XLII parties in your area? Thought you did. Click below and hook up now. 18+ Men Only Superbowl parties in every city. Discretion Guranteed.

For the most part these kinds of deviant Superbowl activities are practiced only by men of Democrat, Liberal or Moderate-Independent political persuasion. However, there is still a danger of a decent man, a Republican, getting caught up in the moment while in a drunken state only to find himself the victim of someone with homosexual tendancies.  It is bad enough for a man to leave a Superbowl party smelling like booze and cheap cigars. Coming home smelling like another mans sweaty genitalia is completely different story all together.