Scarlet Letter Campaign Update: Richard Dawkins Steals the Food from Our Mouths.

Dear fellow Brownbackers,

When we at Baptists for Brownback began our Scarlet Letter Campaign, we had no idea how successful it would be. The tireless efforts of this site’s founder, Mrs T. D Gaines-Crockett , and her staff have borne fruit far sweeter than anything the vile serpent offered the foolish Eve a little over 6000 years ago.

At least 100 websites now carry the scarlet “A” brand of shame. Christians who once fell prey to the atheists who operate these fetid portals to lust and depravity are now protected. More and more Godly parents are drilling the following instruction into the fragile, inquiring minds of their precious children: See the Scarlet “A”—Time to Click Away!

However, it was only a matter of time until the forces that seek to destroy our Christian nation attempted to subvert our message. This morning I received the following E-mail from an ill wisher:

“You idiot! We wear the scarlett A with pride! In fact, we decided 2 sell t-shirts with the A on them, so they ‘ll be in your face 24/7. We are going 2 make so much money from your stupid idea that your going 2 wish you never thought of it. Have fun watching Richard spend the cash he makes from laughing at your non-existant god. Shove that up your holy a*shole, preacher man!”

The “Richard” this miscreant refers to is a foreign science fiction writer named Richard Dawkins, a man so blinded by hatred for Christ he even confuses the false Jesus of the muslim koran book of lies with the true Jesus of the Holy Bible. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if Mr Dawkins bears malice towards a third of the male population of South America, merely because they share the name of our Lord. Ironically, Mr Dawkins’ irrationality has alienated two groups—islamofascist terrorists and hispanic illegal immigrants—who would otherwise have been his natural allies in his war to destroy all that is good in America.

Mr Dawkins’ insanity and his place on Mrs T.D. Gaines-Crockett’s Hellbound list have not prevented the liberal atheist elites who control our publishing industry from turning his rambling deceits and evilutionary claptrap into massive bestsellers. He writes book after book, each more spiteful than the last, books filled with fantasies about monkeys copulating with cavemen to produce humanity and suchlike jibber-jabber. A vast audience, ill-educated by the Godless secular school system and untrained in the discipline of The 10 Commandments, hungrily gobbles up Dawkins’ sci-fi babble as if it were manna from Heaven. The money flows into Dawkins’ counting house and he lives the life of a mad king, like Xerxes of Persia or the Ayatollah of Iran.

And now Richard Dawkins seeks to steal the little financial benefit we at Baptists for Brownback hoped to gain by selling our Scarlet “A“ t-shirts. He has set up a store at his vapid, heartless site and is taking the bread from our very mouths—bread that would have gone towards funding the many programs run by Republican Faith Ministries.

As a result of expected shortfalls, only 300,000 Holy Bibles will be distributed in Iraq in the coming Christmas season, rather than the 700,000 we were hoping for. Heathen arab children across that forsaken land will go without enlightenment and hope this December, thanks to Richard Dawkins and his fans.

Also, I have had to re-organise this fall’s “Beyond Pink and Back Again” outreach boot camp for sexually confused young men. Distinguished speakers, such as Young Republicans president-elect Glenn Murphy Jr Jessica Colon (a righteous mouthpiece for his her generation and the generation below him her), will no longer be attending.

These developments hurt us. They hurt America. But we will not be cowed. Richard Dawkins may sit smugly on his throne right now, pouring golden coins over his eggish head, but we TRUE Christians know there is but one King, and He will be victorious in the ultimate battle between Good and evil.

In Christ’s Name,

Tobin Maker, Resident Pastor, Baptists for Brownback 2008