I Love Me Some Christian Karaoke!

I mean to tell you — there ain’t nothing like knockin back a bucket of long-necks doing some shots of Jack and singing bout How GREAT HE ART!!!!

Can you believe the nerve of some people?

I had to run to the grocery store earlier for some cat food. I’ve been so busy that I haven’t had time to make their food at home. Plus, since Rufie and I are no longer together, I don’t have anyone to catch the rabbits for me. Sure, I could do it myself, but I just hate to hurt little fuzzy bunnies. The pet boutique where I usually shop was closed, and I was all out of cat food, so I had to go to the grocery store. In a pinch, Sheba or Fancy Feast will do, but I do hate to make them suffer with such sub-par food.

Anyway, I just had to run in for a few dozen cans to get me through the next day or two. I still have the handicapped parking tag in my car that I use to go shopping (the ‘04 Mercedes SL500) from when I used to take my elderly neighbor lady shopping - before the Good Lord called her home. I was only going to be in the store for a minute, so obviously I parked in one of the handicapped parking spots.

You know how it is once you get into the store - there’s always a few other things you remember you need. Anyways, I was coming back out to my car with the carry out boys pushing those little cart things, when this woman starts screaming at me - saying that I’m going to hell, that I’m a b*tch, that I’m selfish….all sorts of horrible lies! I almost wanted to cry. She was going on about how she allegedly has a son in a wheelchair and she couldn’t park in the handicapped spot because I was parked there.

First of all, I’m obviously not going to hell. I have plenty of bumper stickers on that Mercedes (it is an older car, after all) showing my love for the Lord:

“I LOVE JESUS AND HE LOVES ME”

“JESUS LOVES ME MORE THAN YOU”

“READY FOR THE RAPTURE”

“GLORY, WHOLE OF HIS LOVE” (Brother Yancy had that one special made for me)

A little symbol of the Jesus fish eating the Darwin fish

“REAL MEN LOVE JESUS”

“GOD DOESN’T BELIEVE IN ATHEISTS”

“GOD BLESS AMERICA”

“I MY CATS” (Okay, that one doesn’t show my love for Jesus Christ, but it does prove that I like animals, and am therefore a nice person)

And, Number B, I didn’t see any handicapped kid! She claimed that she had to leave him in her car with his older sister (I really did think about calling child services, in case that was true), but I think she was lying. She looked like a liar. (And she dressed really awful, too!)

I don’t know if it’s because I was so obviously upset or because the Good Lord blessed me with such amazing physical beauty, but the carry out boys jumped right to my defense! They yelled right back at her and told her to shut up and quit harassing me. I got both of those boys’ telephone numbers, and I plan on hiring them to do a few things for me around the house. Such nice strapping, young men! It’s rare to find young men with such manners nowadays.

I suppose that all’s well that ends well, but I’m not sure that I’m going to be frequenting that store again. I hate being exposed to riff-raff.

nra epic fail own3ed by god

NRA tard drops dead.

No one cares.

The End.

An Angel Gets His Wings (complete with Bushmaster 844867010 10 Round 223 Caliber Magazine)

The Good Lord called and Charlton Heston answered on the first ring.

At the age of 84 America’s greatest actor has gone to collect his reward. He will be best remembered as the voice of the NRA and in his role as Moses in the 1956 film version of The Ten Commandments.  

 At 6:00 EST today NRA members are encouraged to raise their most cherished weapon and shoot at a picture of Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama in honor of this epic American. 

“… Mr. Clinton, sir, America didn’t trust you with our health-care system. America didn’t trust you with gays in the military. America doesn’t trust you with our 21-year-old daughters, and we sure, Lord, don’t trust you with our guns.” - Charlton Heston

Please share how this great American has touched your life.

Ladies and Gentlemen, your Commander in Chief

Pastoral Thoughts…

Although I never shy from condemning the homosexual, I do attempt to understand him and the reasons for his descent into a world of debauched sexual perversity.

As a young man matures gonad-wise, he develops needs. All too often they are sated by females of loose morality. Satan has many brides, and he enjoys nothing more than exposing their wanton thighs and heaving bosoms to impressionable males.

When strumpets are unavailable, boys inevitably give in to the temptation to reach around for substitutes. It’s too bad that almost all men who become homosexuals were trapped in big liberal cities like Sin Francisco And New York.

Fortunately, like so many fine Republican Christian men of God, I grew up on a farm in the South, where I was surrounded by domesticated, affable, slow-moving animals of many varieties.

The whinny of a fine mule or the musk of a bleating goat can soothe the most aroused young Christian and bring him closer to God, safe in the knowledge that a man can have dominion over all beasts, both without and within.

Sometimes I miss the simple life on the farm.

In Christ’s Natural Love,

Pastor Tobin Maker D.D.

Rudest comment ever by BNFB Anonymous

[Anonymous Sez: Dear Taffy,

Shut up and get back in the fucking kitchen

Sincerely,

Anonymous]

Do you see now what we are dealing with these Anonymouse people at BNFB? It’s one thing to be a hacker on steroids but another one all together when they are disrespectful to nice Christian (Republican-Baptist) ladies.

The nerve of those people telling me to get back in my kitchen and suggesting that I should cook when I have domestic help for all that mess. They have gone too far this time.  I am so angry that I might just skip Sunday School this morning.

Crazy Christian Caturday

What about a Wiki?

 Any regulars interested in participating?

 Name suggestions?

Comments welcome.

Liberals, RINOs, CINOs: You can all Go to Hell

The only thing worse than a Liberal is a RINO, and even worse than a RINO is a CINO.  In case you are wondering, a RINO is a Republican In Name Only and a CINO is a Christian In Name Only, and in God’s mighty eyes, they are even more loathsome and despicable than a Liberal.  

If someone proclaims to be a Republican-Christian then they had better possess the high moral fortitude that embodies our proud political party.  A true Republican-Christian is a patriot, proudly wears an American flag pin, sweater, or hat, and has at least one Support Our Troops bumper sticker on each of their vehicles - which better all be made in the good old USA.  The only exception is if you can afford a Lexus or a Mercedes, which were originally American cars whose plans were stolen by foreigners but retain an American spirit.  

A true Republican-Christian does not bat an eye when someone asks them why they are a Republican; they will look the asker straight in the eye and tell them, “because I don’t hate America and I don’t believe in anything that undermines this being a Christian Nation, which it is.”  In addition, the true Republican-Christian will openly and loudly admit to hating what God commands them to hate; abortion, atheism, homosexuality, promiscuity, and the myth of Global Warming among other things, all of which are the foundation of the Democratic Party and are inherently evil. 

A RINO-CINO is someone who claims to espouse the true Republican’s Christian values but accepts one or more of the Liberals wicked-pet projects.  They are a blemish on the GOP and an abomination in the eyes of GOD.  What makes them even worse than a regular Liberal is that a while a Liberal foolishly embraces wickedness and sin with open arms, a RINO-CINO thinks they can pick and choose which sin to ignore.

Unlike the Liberal who realizes they are going to Hell for their sins (the smart ones anyway), the RINOs and CINOs actually believe that Glory will be theirs.  Well, that just is not the way it works.  The fact of the matter is that you cannot be God-Damned Liberals and a Christian - it is physically and spiritually impossible; just like you cannot be a homosexual and a Christian or a homosexual and a Republican.  Likewise, if you accept or condone any of the sicknesses or diseases spread by the Democratic Party as being OK for a Republican, then you are not only a Hell-bound sinner, you are deluded.  God hates stupid sinners even worse than smart ones and so do true Republican-Christians. Defiance is one thing; ignorant bliss in a sea of depravity is another. 

Recently there seems to be an alarmingly increasing amount of RINO-CINOs trying to pass themselves off as Republican-Christians.  For example there is the Log Cabin RINOs; sodomites who claim to be Republicans.  Then we have the “Moderate” RINOs who are the most deluded of them all, and lastly we have the “Independents” or “Grass Roots” RINOs; the ones who claim to be conservatives but do not support the Holy war in Iraq, our great President George W. Bush, and openly question the position and authority of the GOP. They are no better than Hillary Clinton or Barack HUSSEIN Obama. God has already damned them and He will damn you too. 

Well, here is a news flash for all of the RINO-CINOs out there; your ignorance, stupidity, and tolerance of sin will land you a hotter spot in Hell than any given Liberal.  You are no better than murderers or thieves, and while you might not be a criminal sentenced to jail for your crimes, you should be.  Know this, RINO-CINOs, we true Republican-Christians and GOD take comfort in knowing that when you perish you will spend eternity in Hell as Satan’s prisoner. Your flesh will be ripped from your skeletons, your teeth will gnash, and DEMON SNAKES will mercilessly sodomize you with their enormous thorn-like penises for all eternity – and you deserve it. 

Repent now, Sinners, and embrace the true Republican-Christian values.  Knock it off with your namby-pamby, sissified views of life, hold yourself up to a higher standard, and denounce your stupid tolerant views while you still have a chance for eternal salvation.  If you don’t, then just stop calling yourselves Republican-Christians, because you are not.  God doesn’t want you, and if He doesn’t want you, then neither does the GOP. 

In closing, we have a once in lifetime opportunity to make history in this United States of God.  Come November of this the two-thousand and eighth year of the Lord, we will elect a true Republican-Christian President, John McCain, who is just as dedicated to upholding the uber-Conservative values we cherish as does our current Commander in Chief.  John McCain has promised that he will appoint conservative judges to the Supreme Court to overturn Roe VS.  Wade and end abortion; he will commit to at least 100 more years of war in Iraq (Iran too if needed) and he will keep America the great Christian-English speaking nation that we love. 

Do yourself and America a favor and vote for John McCain, true Republican-Christian as your next President.  It is what God wants.  However, if you are NOT a true Republican-Christian, then vote for Obama or Hillary. We don’t want or need your stinking vote.

Demon Cottontail: The Truth About the Easter Bunny

Here comes Demon Cottontail,
Hoppin’ down the Devil’s trail,
Hippity, hoppity,
Satan’s on his way.

Bringin’ every boy and girl Baskets full of things that make you hurl,
Secular things that’ll make your Children gay.
He’s got sexual toys for little boys,
He’ll molest little sister Sue,
There’s an bottle of Scotch for Mommy
Even a nudie picture of Hillary Clinton, too.

Oh! here comes Demon Cottontail,
Slippin’ his paws on your daughter’s tail,
Hippity Rappity,
Gonna rape your kids today.

Here comes Demon Cottontail,
Running his fingers’ up your little boy’s tail,
Look at him stop,
and listen to him say:
“Try this dope, you know you should.”
”Ignore your parents and don’t be good”,
I’ll roll lots of yummy drugs and sex your way.

You’ll wake up on Easter morning
And you’ll know that he was here
When you find those drugs &  
That he’s made your children Queer.

Perpetuate the myth of  Demon Cottontail,
Liberals’ coming down the Devil’s trail,
Hippity hoppity and
Your children go to Hell today. 

Easter Sunday Open Discussion

What are you wearing to services in the morning? I will start: I am wearing a lovely embroidered Ombre dress in lilac by Michael Kors and white Jimmy Choos. My wonderful husband has ordered me a stunning corsage in lilacs.

After all, on Easter Sunday it is all about looking our best for the Lord. That and celebrating that Jesus rose from the dead so He could cast all of the infidels into Hell.

Oh, and if you are a Liberal = Pagan who plans to spend the day hiding eggs, playing Easter Bunny, or who wants to boast about how you are not going to church, please do not waste our time with your nonsense.

This is a discussion for Christians only and we are not interested in anything any non-Chrisitans have to say on this most important holiday.

Updated to add: Apparently some smarty pants thinks they know more about having a personal relationship with the Lord than we do.  I will ask that you join me in praying for her, but I wouldn’t waste a lot of time on it if I were you.

Prayers needed for Jodie

Here is a picture of Warrior Jodie sent to me by her own daughter, Vonda, last month. She is very concerned about her mother’s salvation as well she should be. On this Easter Sunday weekend we need to pray that Warrior Jodie will give up her whoring ways and not send pictures of herself by accident to her own daughter when she is drunk - again.

 Warning: Do not scroll down unless you are prepared to read and see the most sickening thing you can imagine. I tried to block out as much as I could but the paintbrush can only cover so much space. Perhaps if she weren’t such a big girl I could have covered more.

From: Vonda X <hotvonda@**********.com>
Date: Feb 8, 2008 at 1:25 PM
To: mackconnie@**********.com

Miss Connie I am so worried about mama. She is back on the tequila again and is sending pictures of herself to a dating service called Hotmamas and sent this one to me by mistake. We aren’t talking right now and she won’t even return my calls. I am afraid she is lost over to the devil liquor forever. Aunt June has sent me some pictures to the same account by accident too I’m sure but I deleted them. Will you and the other Prayer Warriors please remember mama and Aunt June when you meet again? I am so afraid she is going to end up beaten and in some dumpster again if she doesn’t stop drinking that tequila. Anything else is OK but tequila makes her crazier than usual. 

Thank you for always listening to me and for being a friend.

Vonda

———-

The rudest man in the world

Kevin Connolly takes pictures of people staring at him and then posts them on his website.  I think this is possibly the rudest thing I have ever heard of in my life. Of course people are going to stare at him! He isn’t like everyone else. It is just like if someone with a pink mohawk and piercings walk by - people are going to look at you, so you better get used to it.

http://potw.news.yahoo.com/s/potw/64390/what-are-you-looking-at 

 Discuss among yourselves and then see if your picture has been posted on his online gallery without permission.

Ten Commandment Thursday: Sinner, Post Thy Transgressions

 

“Again I say to you that if two of you agree on earth concerning anything that they ask, it will be done for them by My Father in heaven” (Matt. 18:19). 

There is multiplied strength in the combined faith of God’s people, and it is clear that greater spiritual gains can be realized through corporate prayer and worship. This agrees with how God has historically blessed the union of His people in battle against their enemies.

“Five of you shall chase a hundred, and a hundred of you shall put ten thousand to flight; your enemies shall fall by the sword before you” (Lev. 26:8).

If you, or someone you know, has broken one of the Lord’s Commandments this week, you are encouraged to post the nature of their sin and the first name or intials only of the sinner here, so that we may all join in prayer for their salvation.